In October 2022 I found I was limping so badly and in so much pain that I had to finally go back to see my GP. It was, in fact, the first time I had met him. I last visited my GP in 2020 during the Covid lockdown and I actually saw his locum. I was sent to Bronglais hospital in Aberystwyth for a hip X-ray, which the doctor later told me showed normal wear and tear. I was told to see a physiotherapist. Which I did. He told me I had “glutineal tendonitis”, which is a common thing in middle aged women, apparently. He gave me exercises to do, which it seems now, made it worse.
So when I returned to the GP (using a walking stick) two years later he seemed shocked and a bit angry to see how little movement I had in my left leg. He sent me back to Bronglais for another hip X-ray. While I awaited the results (GP reception said 6-8 weeks) I applied for a blue badge, which means you get to park in a disabled bay, as by this time I can hardly walk. They needed some medical evidence, and asked me to request a Home Visit Report from the GP. This is a summary of treatments and medical history. When it arrived the X-Ray results were on there.
I hadn’t been told anything yet by the GP, but it said “Advanced Arthritis, complete obliteration of the superolateral joint space and degeneration of the lumbar spine”.
Well you could have blown me down with a feather, as my grandparents used to say long ago. I was beyond shocked. For several years now I had been finding it more and more painful to dance, I walked with a very pronounced limp and always in pain, I often stumbled as my balance was poor (due to the one inch difference in leg length, caused by the hip issue) as well as my poor vision in my right eye, which causes my to lack depth vision. But I’d been repeatedly told it was soft tissue damage. Bursitis of the greater trochanter was one diagnosis. I thought it was the tendons, the muscles, for a while the diagnosis of gluntineal tendonitis caused me to tell people I had a broken arse. Well you’ve gotta laugh haven’t you?
But I never expected advanced arthritis with no hope but surgery to fix it. Nor did I expect it in my lower back.
Suddenly the neck pain, wrist pain and back pain that have been worsening over the last few years might not be just menopausal hormone related. Suddenly I find they might be a sinister expression of this arthritis that has stolen dance from me, and next year’s festival work, and maybe more.
I find I’m feeling depressed, ashamed, confused, let down by my body, by all the physical, mental, emotional, nutritional and spiritual disciplines I’ve been following to keep me healthy for years. WHY HAS ALL THIS HARD WORK, discipline, going without foods I love, etc., not prevented this? I thought all the healing of emotional patterns from childhood would have changed the way my body aged and the family pattern of arthritis would skip me, or be mild. I mean I’ve had it in my fingers for many years. I didn’t expect it to pop up all over the place.
So, thanks to rereading my own blog from 2015, where I wrote about the amazing power of MSM to improve my arthritis, I’ve begun to take Glucosamine with MSM and Chondroitin. I couldn’t get pure MSM. Within 12 days I can feel an improvement. I’m hoping that once Xmas is over and I’ve seen the orthopaedic surgeon I will have a better idea of what’s happening. I think an MRI is needed to establish exactly how much of my body is being affected. Then I can begin to work out a treatment plan.
Of course, it’s not going to be pharmaceutical based. I will continue to use Sound Healing, get really strict again with my diet (no dairy, gluten, nightshades or refined sugar – although I’m not entirely sure it’s made any difference to me, as the arthritis has worsened so much, despite being fairly strict with my diet), continue with the supplements, cold water swimming, workouts, yoga. All the good things I’ve been doing.
But then I’m doubting myself, because I’ve been doing those things and still, here I am!
WHAT MORE CAN I DO? What am I missing?
I guess it’s time to do deep, like the cold winter. Rest. Integrate. Perhaps revision my future, for at least the next year, two or three. Perhaps it’s time to ask my guides for help, to ask my body what it needs. To listen. Like the Medicine Wheel teaches, the cold winter months are for holing up and going within, into peace, developing wisdom and focussing on the essence.
I send out blessings of love, light, peace, healing and harmony to all during this holy season.
May all beings be peaceful and free from suffering. 💜❄️🎄☃️💞🌟