I LOVE THE UK and
HER PEOPLE ARE AMAZING
šššš» GRATITUDE šš»šš
I am finding that one of the many gifts that comes from adapting to the challenges brought by illness and injury are new experiences and the learning that arises from them.
Immense gratitude is one of the overwhelmingly huge gifts I am experiencing right now for the incredible, wonderful infrastructure of support in this country.
Between the NHS, The local council, occupational therapy people, the local physiotherapist, Carers support and the Red Cross I have been caught as I fall. This has come as a great and wonderful surprise to me, having seen many loved ones let down by the system and falling through the cracks to suffer immeasurably.
This only deepens my appreciation and gratitude for the way I am being supported. When our society was rebuilt after the Second World War and the social services and the NHS were created to take care of us, they were a treasure beyond our ability to measure, and are still one of the jewels of our country. As such we should all be up in arms to protect our NHS from the Tories.
But thatās not what Iām sharing here. I just wish to remind anyone who needs to hear it, that, despite the news media consistently spreading fear based and fear arousing messages about people and society (which is why I donāt listen any more) our society is actually made up of mainly wonderful, caring, loving people. And we all need each other so much. Especially now in these challenging times.
I have been lent, for as long as I need them, by our wonderful KINDNESS BASED SOCIETY
1. A wheelchair from the amazing Red Cross
2. Crutches from the physiotherapist at the GP surgery
3. A Zimmer frame, perch stools, shower chair, shower stool, height adjusted toilet seat delivered to my home by the local council Occupational Therapy team.
4. I have been shown what furniture I am allowed and not allowed to sit and sleep on after my surgery.
5. I have warm, loving, friendly people on the end of the phone to help, advise and chat, as well as to simply listen and be heard, so I donāt feel alone in this situation (which is complex).
6. I have follow up care in my local community once I get back from hospital.
Honestly, I had no idea these sort of support services were available and if my friend hadnāt told me I probably wouldnāt have. So I have been able to get everything in place ready for my op.
On top of this friends and family are rallying round and supporting both Si and I. Which I find deeply moving and comforting.
What an incredibly caring country we are.
If you didnāt know about any of this, like I didnāt, isnāt it AMAZING AND WONDERFUL?
Thank you universe. šš»ššš» I am SO GRATEFUL.
Going deep with the winter
In October 2022 I found I was limping so badly and in so much pain that I had to finally go back to see my GP. It was, in fact, the first time I had met him. I last visited my GP in 2020 during the Covid lockdown and I actually saw his locum. I was sent to Bronglais hospital in Aberystwyth for a hip X-ray, which the doctor later told me showed normal wear and tear. I was told to see a physiotherapist. Which I did. He told me I had āglutineal tendonitisā, which is a common thing in middle aged women, apparently. He gave me exercises to do, which it seems now, made it worse.
So when I returned to the GP (using a walking stick) two years later he seemed shocked and a bit angry to see how little movement I had in my left leg. He sent me back to Bronglais for another hip X-ray. While I awaited the results (GP reception said 6-8 weeks) I applied for a blue badge, which means you get to park in a disabled bay, as by this time I can hardly walk. They needed some medical evidence, and asked me to request a Home Visit Report from the GP. This is a summary of treatments and medical history. When it arrived the X-Ray results were on there.
I hadnāt been told anything yet by the GP, but it said āAdvanced Arthritis, complete obliteration of the superolateral joint space and degeneration of the lumbar spineā.
Well you could have blown me down with a feather, as my grandparents used to say long ago. I was beyond shocked. For several years now I had been finding it more and more painful to dance, I walked with a very pronounced limp and always in pain, I often stumbled as my balance was poor (due to the one inch difference in leg length, caused by the hip issue) as well as my poor vision in my right eye, which causes my to lack depth vision. But Iād been repeatedly told it was soft tissue damage. Bursitis of the greater trochanter was one diagnosis. I thought it was the tendons, the muscles, for a while the diagnosis of gluntineal tendonitis caused me to tell people I had a broken arse. Well youāve gotta laugh haven’t you?
But I never expected advanced arthritis with no hope but surgery to fix it. Nor did I expect it in my lower back.
Suddenly the neck pain, wrist pain and back pain that have been worsening over the last few years might not be just menopausal hormone related. Suddenly I find they might be a sinister expression of this arthritis that has stolen dance from me, and next yearās festival work, and maybe more.
I find Iām feeling depressed, ashamed, confused, let down by my body, by all the physical, mental, emotional, nutritional and spiritual disciplines Iāve been following to keep me healthy for years. WHY HAS ALL THIS HARD WORK, discipline, going without foods I love, etc., not prevented this? I thought all the healing of emotional patterns from childhood would have changed the way my body aged and the family pattern of arthritis would skip me, or be mild. I mean Iāve had it in my fingers for many years. I didnāt expect it to pop up all over the place.
So, thanks to rereading my own blog from 2015, where I wrote about the amazing power of MSM to improve my arthritis, Iāve begun to take Glucosamine with MSM and Chondroitin. I couldnāt get pure MSM. Within 12 days I can feel an improvement. Iām hoping that once Xmas is over and Iāve seen the orthopaedic surgeon I will have a better idea of whatās happening. I think an MRI is needed to establish exactly how much of my body is being affected. Then I can begin to work out a treatment plan.
Of course, itās not going to be pharmaceutical based. I will continue to use Sound Healing, get really strict again with my diet (no dairy, gluten, nightshades or refined sugar – although Iām not entirely sure itās made any difference to me, as the arthritis has worsened so much, despite being fairly strict with my diet), continue with the supplements, cold water swimming, workouts, yoga. All the good things Iāve been doing.
But then Iām doubting myself, because Iāve been doing those things and still, here I am!
WHAT MORE CAN I DO? What am I missing?
I guess itās time to do deep, like the cold winter. Rest. Integrate. Perhaps revision my future, for at least the next year, two or three. Perhaps itās time to ask my guides for help, to ask my body what it needs. To listen. Like the Medicine Wheel teaches, the cold winter months are for holing up and going within, into peace, developing wisdom and focussing on the essence.
I send out blessings of love, light, peace, healing and harmony to all during this holy season.
May all beings be peaceful and free from suffering. šāļøšāļøšš