I LOVE THE UK and
HER PEOPLE ARE AMAZING
šššš» GRATITUDE šš»šš
I am finding that one of the many gifts that comes from adapting to the challenges brought by illness and injury are new experiences and the learning that arises from them.
Immense gratitude is one of the overwhelmingly huge gifts I am experiencing right now for the incredible, wonderful infrastructure of support in this country.
Between the NHS, The local council, occupational therapy people, the local physiotherapist, Carers support and the Red Cross I have been caught as I fall. This has come as a great and wonderful surprise to me, having seen many loved ones let down by the system and falling through the cracks to suffer immeasurably.
This only deepens my appreciation and gratitude for the way I am being supported. When our society was rebuilt after the Second World War and the social services and the NHS were created to take care of us, they were a treasure beyond our ability to measure, and are still one of the jewels of our country. As such we should all be up in arms to protect our NHS from the Tories.
But thatās not what Iām sharing here. I just wish to remind anyone who needs to hear it, that, despite the news media consistently spreading fear based and fear arousing messages about people and society (which is why I donāt listen any more) our society is actually made up of mainly wonderful, caring, loving people. And we all need each other so much. Especially now in these challenging times.
I have been lent, for as long as I need them, by our wonderful KINDNESS BASED SOCIETY
1. A wheelchair from the amazing Red Cross
2. Crutches from the physiotherapist at the GP surgery
3. A Zimmer frame, perch stools, shower chair, shower stool, height adjusted toilet seat delivered to my home by the local council Occupational Therapy team.
4. I have been shown what furniture I am allowed and not allowed to sit and sleep on after my surgery.
5. I have warm, loving, friendly people on the end of the phone to help, advise and chat, as well as to simply listen and be heard, so I donāt feel alone in this situation (which is complex).
6. I have follow up care in my local community once I get back from hospital.
Honestly, I had no idea these sort of support services were available and if my friend hadnāt told me I probably wouldnāt have. So I have been able to get everything in place ready for my op.
On top of this friends and family are rallying round and supporting both Si and I. Which I find deeply moving and comforting.
What an incredibly caring country we are.
If you didnāt know about any of this, like I didnāt, isnāt it AMAZING AND WONDERFUL?
Thank you universe. šš»ššš» I am SO GRATEFUL.
Going deep with the winter
In October 2022 I found I was limping so badly and in so much pain that I had to finally go back to see my GP. It was, in fact, the first time I had met him. I last visited my GP in 2020 during the Covid lockdown and I actually saw his locum. I was sent to Bronglais hospital in Aberystwyth for a hip X-ray, which the doctor later told me showed normal wear and tear. I was told to see a physiotherapist. Which I did. He told me I had āglutineal tendonitisā, which is a common thing in middle aged women, apparently. He gave me exercises to do, which it seems now, made it worse.
So when I returned to the GP (using a walking stick) two years later he seemed shocked and a bit angry to see how little movement I had in my left leg. He sent me back to Bronglais for another hip X-ray. While I awaited the results (GP reception said 6-8 weeks) I applied for a blue badge, which means you get to park in a disabled bay, as by this time I can hardly walk. They needed some medical evidence, and asked me to request a Home Visit Report from the GP. This is a summary of treatments and medical history. When it arrived the X-Ray results were on there.
I hadnāt been told anything yet by the GP, but it said āAdvanced Arthritis, complete obliteration of the superolateral joint space and degeneration of the lumbar spineā.
Well you could have blown me down with a feather, as my grandparents used to say long ago. I was beyond shocked. For several years now I had been finding it more and more painful to dance, I walked with a very pronounced limp and always in pain, I often stumbled as my balance was poor (due to the one inch difference in leg length, caused by the hip issue) as well as my poor vision in my right eye, which causes my to lack depth vision. But Iād been repeatedly told it was soft tissue damage. Bursitis of the greater trochanter was one diagnosis. I thought it was the tendons, the muscles, for a while the diagnosis of gluntineal tendonitis caused me to tell people I had a broken arse. Well youāve gotta laugh haven’t you?
But I never expected advanced arthritis with no hope but surgery to fix it. Nor did I expect it in my lower back.
Suddenly the neck pain, wrist pain and back pain that have been worsening over the last few years might not be just menopausal hormone related. Suddenly I find they might be a sinister expression of this arthritis that has stolen dance from me, and next yearās festival work, and maybe more.
I find Iām feeling depressed, ashamed, confused, let down by my body, by all the physical, mental, emotional, nutritional and spiritual disciplines Iāve been following to keep me healthy for years. WHY HAS ALL THIS HARD WORK, discipline, going without foods I love, etc., not prevented this? I thought all the healing of emotional patterns from childhood would have changed the way my body aged and the family pattern of arthritis would skip me, or be mild. I mean Iāve had it in my fingers for many years. I didnāt expect it to pop up all over the place.
So, thanks to rereading my own blog from 2015, where I wrote about the amazing power of MSM to improve my arthritis, Iāve begun to take Glucosamine with MSM and Chondroitin. I couldnāt get pure MSM. Within 12 days I can feel an improvement. Iām hoping that once Xmas is over and Iāve seen the orthopaedic surgeon I will have a better idea of whatās happening. I think an MRI is needed to establish exactly how much of my body is being affected. Then I can begin to work out a treatment plan.
Of course, itās not going to be pharmaceutical based. I will continue to use Sound Healing, get really strict again with my diet (no dairy, gluten, nightshades or refined sugar – although Iām not entirely sure itās made any difference to me, as the arthritis has worsened so much, despite being fairly strict with my diet), continue with the supplements, cold water swimming, workouts, yoga. All the good things Iāve been doing.
But then Iām doubting myself, because Iāve been doing those things and still, here I am!
WHAT MORE CAN I DO? What am I missing?
I guess itās time to do deep, like the cold winter. Rest. Integrate. Perhaps revision my future, for at least the next year, two or three. Perhaps itās time to ask my guides for help, to ask my body what it needs. To listen. Like the Medicine Wheel teaches, the cold winter months are for holing up and going within, into peace, developing wisdom and focussing on the essence.
I send out blessings of love, light, peace, healing and harmony to all during this holy season.
May all beings be peaceful and free from suffering. šāļøšāļøšš
Eclipse and equinox
What a beautiful day we had in West Wales for the eclipse and the equinox! Brilliant sunshine, birds singing and that eerie light of the eclipse passing over the land. It wasn’t total with us of course, but the light was really odd. Quite lovely Ā and the birds never stopped. Although hearing a hooting owl at 9 in the morning was unusual!
The night before I partially abandoned my anti inflammatory diet and gave into temptation. What a mistake that was. Some sugar craving overtook me and I popped into the kitchen and found an old tin of syrup sponge pudding and some custard. Si wanted to share it with me, so we both gave in and polished it off. Wheat and dairy I usually avoid, so this was clearly not a good idea, but ive got a LOT more will power (I don’t buy these iffy foods any more) than won’t power (if someone puts it right there in front of me I find it hard to resist!
During the night I awoke several times from bad dreams, all of which were about anxiety and then at five a.m. I was left wide awake and anxious. I am beginning to learn which foods and drinks do this to me. wheat, dairy and too much wine all stress my body. It’s really that simple, put them in me – get out a stress reaction.
Its my choice whether to do that to myself or not. The next day of course I feel crap due to a bad nights sleep. I was supposed to drive to the Wirral to do some work Saturday and Monday and go and see my Auntie with Alzheimer’s on Sunday. I decided to put the drive off until Saturday morning. I wasn’t due until the afternoon.
So, this morning I woke up at 6.45 and rolled out of bed, made Si tea, packed the car and after a big cuddle in bed with a sleepy hubby I drove off. I arrived just over three hours later at our home in the Wirral to find a messy house, spilled booze, loads of dirty dishes, empty glasses and bottles all over the lounge and four young men in various states of undress. Two of whom are my twins, the others are our lodgers. I made the decision to rest in my peace place and not get stressed, even when I knocked over a glass of booze I hadn’t seen on the floor.
I just cleaned up the spill, asked Josh to make me a cup of tea please, unpacked the car and lay down on the sofa and chilled. After ready brek and a piece of organic seedy spelt bread with organic whole peanut butter to fortify me, I went to work at two. It was facilitating a bunting making session at an allotment, where loads of Apple trees were also being planted and there was a live music and food to share. A lovely event created by Transition Town West Kirby.
I was really too ill for this. The flu has left me hardly able to speak. My throat is raw and sore, Ā my voice nearly gone. I found the music loud, disharmonious and agitating. I found the people annoyingly chatty and energetic. The sun was lovely and warm, but when it went behind a cloud it was freezing and windy. I was so glad I had eaten before I went. ALL the food, and I mean every single thing – was wheat based. Pizza, cakes, wraps, sandwhiches, I could eat NOTHING at all. I was fine with that. Somehow my won’t power was like SUPERSTRONG because it all looked delicious, homemade and beautiful and I didn’t touch a thing. One of the allotmenteers had made a huge, glorious coffee cake. One of my favourites. I looked away and focussed on the bunting. After two hours I had to leave. I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t focus, I was cold, tired and OVERWHELMED by the people, the music, the icy wind.
So, if there are typos in my blog, it’s because it’s all I can do to muster the energy to write it. Rereading and editing is a bit too much right now.
i am going to try and see if I can find the underlying spiritual soul cause for auto immune disorders. I think this is a soul sickness of some kind and we all need to find our own way through it, our own individual routes to that place of unbalance. and we all need to find our own routes out. But we can certainly support each other and share our journeys in order to make the going a little easier and maybe in that way find a SOULution to this phenomenon.