03/03/15 on we go…

This dancing, music, sound healing practice is AMAZING!

I went to dance this morning. I call this morning practice my ‘bounce’ – it usually includes 30 to 50 minutes of dancing and then yoga, followed by meditation. I put on the usual “mixed tape” – a playlist on my ipod of 115 songs ‘I can’t live without’ – and started to let myself move to the music. It was a fast beat, and despite not being well I just let my body move. My arms, shoulders, waist and hips were gyrating to the fast, chaotic beat and I began to warm up quickly. After just a few minutes, still during this first track, I could feel my right lung begin to tighten and hurt, like lightning across my chest. It was powerful and restrictive and I slowed down and began to feel into the pain. Almost straight away I could sense this was old wound to do with mum. Being hurt, being NO LOVE, feeling unloved, experiencing unlove instead of feeling love.

As I felt the agony of the physical pain I sensed that I needed to ground the pain, to give it to our universal mother and so I lay on the floor and asked mother earth to receive my pain, to compost it and turn it into honey, into love, into flowers and growth and creativity. As I lay on the earth’s body, on the floor of my living room I felt almost as if I was lying on my mother’s breast. I yearned and longed for my mum and allowing myself to feel whatever came up, without question or comment, I sensed memories arise as I moved my body, opening up the heart chakra and letting the old, unbalanced energy flow through and out of me.

I saw myself playing out the torment that mum perpetrated upon Jo and I as youngsters. It was her torment, her agony and pain and unlove that was pouring out onto me and through me and onto the dog, who was the tiny being that I perpetrated the torment on to. I saw it flowing from her to me to the dog, slowly killing my mum, slowly killing me, slowly killing the dog and burning us all up in a torrent of pain, agony, unlove…..

My mum had smacked and shouted and slapped and yelled and furied her pain, frustration, rage, powerlessness onto me and in turn I had smacked and yelled and shouted and slapped that pain onto our little sausage dog. Afterwards mum would pick me up and rock me, crying, sobbing her sorrow, shame and grief out and later, after hitting and yelling at the dog I would pick him up crying, sobbing my sorrow, shame and grief out.

All this I could feel again… my heart almost exploding with the sadness of the whole sorry pattern, the family dynamic that played out over and over again from my mother to myself and my sister, and from myself and my sister to our little tiny miniature daschund, who was the runt of the litter and died when he was just four years old from a heart condition. I now believe that my sister and I unknowingly caused that heart condition with our acting out of the broken love pattern.

Still crying I stood up and began to dance to the next track that came up, allowing my body to express itself through my movements, not thinking, just feeling into my body. Letting go of my mind, my thoughts, my sense of anyone or anything other than the energy within. This time it was the sacral chakra that needed to let go of its pain… I let my hips and pelvis move, I bent my knees more to feel closer to the earth and then found myself on my knees. Immediately, as tears poured down my face I began to do the back stretches that I do every day to keep my spine supple. They open the sacral chakra. I moved from cat to dog, to cobra, to downward facing dog, to child to cobra to dog, over and over until I felt ready to stand and dance again. All the time tears running, my heart releasing its hurt, my pelvis opening, softening, my sacral chakra rebalancing and my body wholing and healing itself.

I had the most incredible visceral experience that mirrored the teachings I have learned about us being a spirit having a material existence. This was a deep and beautiful sensation of my body really being this wonderful vessel, a vehicle for my soul’s expression. All the emotions, the movements of energy within my system as being fluid, flowing, my whole body, mind, emotions and soul being transparent, being currents, being one amazing light and sound show, being a constellation of particles of energy held together simply by my consciousness.

Once I felt the session was complete I sat in meditation for another 20 minutes or so. I worked my way around the medicine wheel, invoking the directions and asking help to move through this process.

 

 

04/03/15

Not such a great day today. Woke with a headache. Sore eye. Stayed in bed late and didn’t ‘bounce’. I made a vegan roasted veggie soup and veg and fish cakes with last night’s left over salmon – a good anti inflammatory food! Then I went shopping to get some ‘alternative medicine’ – PYCNOGENOL a natural anti oxidant from pine tree bark.

I had done a shamanic journey to ask what I needed for my eye and I received an image like this…

I wondered if it was a sun.

Si thought I needed vitamin D.

Di thought it was my sacral chakra.

I thought it looked like an egg yolk.

When I was in the healthfood shop the Mulberry Bush in Lampeter, where I went to get some alternative medicines I mentioned Zell Immuno Complex to Andy the owner there and he googled it. The box had on it this image…

Here is the image I saw – the one that looks like an egg yolk. And the images of medicine below is where I saw the ‘sun’  about a week later….

I ordered it on the internet as soon as I got home. 2 boxes.

The website that sells this product is called REGENTERATIVE NUTRITION and this product is especially recommended for auto immune issues. My friend Val had recommended this to me a few days earlier and I hadn’t yet managed to find it. Because it didn’t occur to me to just google it. Silly me.

 

So, now I am awaiting a LARGE order of Serrapepase from Vitacure.co.uk in Liverpool to arrive, and the Immunkomplex from Switzerland (should take about a week) and I have bought more Pycnogenol from Mulberry Bush. The first lot came from our Hoylake Healthfood shop Honest to Goodness. I like to share my shop between the two – I’m a loyal customer to both small, local businesses in my two home towns.

Roasted loads of leeks, peppers, onions, carrots, celery and a few tomatoes and made a soup with them. Enough to last 3 days for both of us.

05/03/15

NO BOUNCE today.

Oh dear. As I was doing some research I came across information about Pycnogenol – and discovered that it is the WORST thing for auto immune issues – it makes them worse. I immediately stopped taking it and wondered if that was why I had started getting worse again. I had a headache again all day yesterday and its here again and my ankle is feeling weak and achey again.

I know when things are getting worse – symptoms, head ache, weak aching neck (hardly hold head up) wrists, ankles, painful hip joints. Tired. Nausea.

After a rest day with just a little cleaning I realised it was full moon. I rang my Sound Healing teacher (I’m doing a diploma in sound healing as there are lots of things I don’t know about yet, such as using tuning forks and harmonics to heal) to ask for an extension on my case studies, as I’m not well enough to work. He said no problem.

We talked about using the power of the full moon and the energies on the earth from Sirius at the moment, and I decided to work with these for my healing and the highest good for all tonight during the full moon.

At 8.00pm on the full moon we always do transfiguration a healing practice, joining in with others around the earth and we did that. It was really deep and peaceful. Si lit a fire and we smudged ourselves, the space and our drums with copal, sage and palo santo. We did our transfiguration by the light of 3 candles and the fire. Then we drummed and journeyed for healing for ourselves and for all of life.

It was a beautiful, peaceful and healing evening.

 

 

06/03/15

I feel so much better today. I’ve typed up this blog and will put it up in a minute when I’m done typing. Then lunch.

Veggie day today. Veggie day yesterday too. Si cooked up some lentils to add to the soup to make it a bit different. Had it with wholemeal spelt sourdough bread yesterday. Despite feeling crap, I managed to make a lovely sabji – spicy Indian cauliflower, potato and paneer cheese dish with rice and peas for dinner.

The Serrapeptase arrived in the post and I upped my dose of these, plus remembered what Di had said about 1000mg of vitamin C three times a day with food, to increase antioxidant action. I drank water every time I passed a tap.

Today I am feeling much better. Did a long dance this morning – the FAME workout, most of it. Then 40 minutes of meditation and prayer.

Today we are having the last of the roasted veggie soup and then aubergine curry with the last of the sabji for dinner.

Do I feel better because of the healing/drumming, the Serrapeptase, the water the vitamin C? I think all of it. HOLISTIC thinking. ENERGY VIBRATION physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects must be attended to.

 

So, no stress. MENTAL Calm, peaceful, do only what needs to be done, think Peace and quiet.

PHYSICAL Food, water, supplements. Exercise, dance and chant and sing, JOY and endorphins.

EMOTIONAL Love, peace, meditation, calm, breathing

SPIRITUAL meditation, joy, journeying, prayer, GRATITUDE, LOVE, APPRECIATION all bring healing and balance.