The next chapter

11/03/15

We’ve been away back to the Wirral for a couple of days. Mainly to do our PHEW group; the Personal Holistic Emotional Wellbeing group, where we offer various tools for holistic wellbeing, focussing largely on harmonising spiritual and psychological energy patterns. These tools include chanting, meditation, visualisation, shamanic journeying and healing, drumming, toning, the use of singing bowls and tuning forks and these meetings provide a confidential space for healing, sharing, support and personal growth.

I’ve stopped all work except this group for now. I don’t need much energy or mental acuity to run these twice monthly events, and they are as much a healing experience for me as for the rest of the group.

Mental acuity, or lack of is my issue at the moment. Things are changing with some rapidity. One of the symptoms described on the Uveitis website is cognitive impairment. No kidding! I had previously put this all down to the menopause…. The forgetfulness, the terrible memory all round, the word salad, the weird stuttering, the confusion, double bookings, overwhelm, inability to multi task. Inability to make decisions. Inability to think!

But now there is not only one reason for COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENT there are three!

1. Enough said here really… I don’t use meds for this. Obviously. If you have read this far, it is clear to you that I prefer other methods of working through life’s changes and challenges than a pharmaceutical approach.
2. Uveitis/Autoimmune issues. What can I say?
3. ASCENCION/Consciousness raising/Vibrational uploading…

Well here’s the RUB so to speak. I believe, (as do many other people who I consider to be wiser and more intelligent than I) that the menopause, and perhaps also autoimmune disorders, have more to do with vibrational frequencies of CONSCIOUSNESS changing on the planet and within our species than ‘illness’.

My ‘sense of knowing’ about this journey to health that I’m on told me that the purpose of this experience was an inner shift that needed to happen. Many of us healer types are recognising this at this time. Many of us are ‘getting ill’, experiencing times in our lives when we need a time out to upgrade the software, so to speak.

 

Here’s an analogy of what’s going on – I think.

My inner experience of this shift, occurring as it is during the menopause, as my children are becoming independent adults and an autoimmune issue messes with my system is one akin to putting a new operating system into a computer.

People’s computers and their heads got really messed up when they installed the new operating system that followed Windows 8, or whatever it was. I can’t remember it right now – not my fault – I have cognitive impairment! People wanted to go back to the old operating system, where they knew how things worked and where everything went. Suddenly it was all different, confusing and messed up. It took some time to readjust to the new system. No doubt faults occurred and things were lost, discovered and new opportunities turned up too, I’m sure.

I understand that this upgrading of software may be what it occurring here on earth RIGHT NOW! Our consciousness is upgrading. The thing is, that this is not mainstream thinking. This is not the zeitgeist! We are not all on the same page, running on the same hardware, never mind on the same operating system. We are not all running Leopard on apple macs. Some of us are still on Windows 94 on our Dells. Many people are clinging on to the old model and are completely closed to the new software available. So much so that they are medicating themselves up to the max in order to keep in control, keep working, running on that little hamster wheel round and round, not getting to anywhere special because we’ve all forgotten where we were supposed to be going in the first place.

There are so many ways to resist this change. Just as there are many ways to surrender to it.

We surrender to the change through letting go; relaxing; feeling our emotions; following our hearts; opening up to our intuition; listening to the wisdom of our bodies; listening to the wisdom of the elders, through their mystical and wisdom traditions.

We resist the change by tightening up our muscles; suppressing our emotions; ignoring our intuition; keeping our minds busy busy busy; stressing ourselves out; watching tv; constant noise and music and DISTRACTIONS…

We resist the change by shutting ourselves off from our INNER TRUTH and guidance by drinking too much alcohol; taking illegal drugs; work addiction; porn addiction; retail therapy, that is actually consumer addiction; taking proscribed ‘legal’ drugs, or medication: we are becoming addicted to sleeping pills, porn, anti depressants, booze, sex.

So, eventually a dis-ease will manifest, and if we are paying attention we can take this opportunity to GO INSIDE and GO DEEP into the quiet, into the stillness, the peace, the wisdom and silence in order to find what we need to heal.

And, because we are all different. Because we all vibrate at different frequencies, play different tunes, we need different medicine.

I also believe that this process should be SUPPORTED and ENCOURAGED with assistance from anyone around us who is compassionate, loving, and knows us well. But mostly it is a journey we must take alone.

The most important thing is that if we wish to be WHOLE, HEALTHY, BALANCED, HARMONIOUS and at PEACE with ourselves and our world, we need to take the first step and GET ON THE HEALING JOURNEY PATH.

 

So, here I am on the path. The PHEW group evening was beautiful. There was some deep healing work done. Some of us released some old pain energy and we all bathed in beautiful, balanced healing energy. We chanted together, I drummed for everyone, we meditated together, breathed together, shared our feelings, opened our hearts, trusted one another and co-created a compassionate community space. As I said, it was beautiful.

I drove back to Wales the next morning. There on the doorstep waiting for me was the Immunkomplex. Yey! I drank diluted it in the nearest thing to apple juice I could find (it needs to be diluted in juice in a ratio of 1:10), which was cider. Close enough. You drink it once a day with or after a meal. 20ml in 200ml of juice or a drink of your choice. Don’t panic, it wasn’t a strong cider. I only drank 200ml of it. Si drank the rest. It tasted ok. A bit like I’d just licked out the inside of a health food store, so not gorgeous, but ok.

Over the last few weeks I am feeling ever more spacey, elated, light headed, and a bit mental to be honest. I’m just surrendering to it. One reason for this is that today, for the first time in months I could actually read the ‘use by’ date on the voucher from the Coop. I found that I could recognise people’s faces on the telly last night too. So, my vision is improving.

I’m still a bit achey – in the joints, my fingers are swolled and my rings are tight and my lungs are still hurting. I’m still snotty and stuffed up, so that would be a cold virus then.

I am back to regular dance workouts again after a few days off. Not exercising due to headaches and aching joints was ok for a few days, but after that the muscle pains started returning with a vengeance. So, back to a morning dance-athon then. I am back on the FAME workout. I totally love it. It brings out my inner 13 year old. I probably look like shite when I dance. I’m an overweight, middle aged, weak ankled, graceless and clumsy woman. But when I dance I feel like a sexy goddess and I couldn’t give a shit what I look like to anyone else. I LOVE IT!

Music, dance, drumming, singing, shared with others and also alone combined with stillness and silence to let the work do its thing, are, I think, (at least to me) essential elements to a truly authentic, beautiful, deep and sensual, well lived life. Dancing and music, as well as the more spiritual elements of chanting and drumming for raising consciousness are so important to me I can’t tell you. I find them SO HEALING and therapeutic.

I believe that at least 40 minutes a day of movement, music, stillness and silence are enough to transform any illness.

We can all find that time for ourselves. If we truly want to live well.

 

 

12/03/15

Last night, with dinner, I took my immunkomplex with Ribena, as I’d forgotten the apple juice and didn’t want more cider. It tasted better with Ribena. I felt that it was doing me good as I sat there watching an episode of Call the Midwife I’d recorded. It may be my imagination (well what isn’t really happening in our imagination, imagination is definitely underestimated in my book), but I could feel a sense of wellbeing infusing my body. Similar to the effects of exercise. All those happy hormones soothing and relaxing the system.

Anyway, this morning I wanted to really master the fourth and last section of the FAME workout video, so I put it on. I started with the warm up. It lasts about 7 minutes. Then straight to section four – the funkiest dance routine I’ve ever seen. I love it. Clumsy and graceless as I may be, I enjoyed the hell out of it and was working up a good sweat, my heart rate was up and after the 17 or so minutes of repeating the section I went on to the bar and floor section (the ballet moves that I apparently messed up so badly as a small child, where I supposedly was told I have the grace of a baby elephant) and then to the ‘dance stretches’ – which are classis yoga poses, cat, dog, downward dog, cobra, child and side stretches. I was sweating more and more during all this. I felt good, just hot.

Then I settled down for a meditate, when after only five minutes or so someone arrived, so I ran upstairs to wash and dress. Then I began to realise that I had a headache and felt pretty nauseous. I drank some water and had my breakfast, a little oatmeal with almond milk on it and a spoonful of maple syrup. Took my vitamin C and put in my eye drops – the steroid drops – the only concession to pharmaceuticals that I’m prepared to make at this point.

Getting the balance of rest and exercise is crucial to this journey. Too little exercise and I get sluggish, my brain shuts down even more and my energy drops. Also, the pain begins in my muscles again.

Too much exercise and nausea and headache.

Decision: I’d rather a few minutes of nausea and headache than a night of sleeplessness due to muscle pain.

Although, its now 3.20pm and since lunch (home made pea soup and spelt toast) I’m nauseous again.